I was so depressed Tuesday night thinking about the election, I called Lifeline.

Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Did you hear about the new Obama christmas ornament? They are selling like hotcakes it seems everybody wants to hang a @#@##$ from a tree.

Ok, everybody quit worrying. Have you ever known a brother to hold a job for 4 years?

> Two Trees and a Woodpecker


Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree, & replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.'
Now wipe that smile off your face. And pass it on!